Happy Anniversary

Today I'm blessed to celebrate 8 years of marriage.

Happy Birthday, Little Guy

Five years ago I gave birth to a preemie. He weighed 14oz. The little guy fought a good fight for 6 days, but was plagued by too many issues. We decided (at the doctor's suggestion) to take him off his oxygen.
For anyone who has lost a child you know the pain. Connor was the second person I sat with while taking their final breath. While I know it was for the best, it was the toughest thing I've done to date.
We later found out just how serious his issues were and know he never would've had any quality of life.

Today I want to wish my son a happy birthday. I love and miss him every day.

Happy Thanksgiving

Threat Against Our Children

I wanted to share this. I'm still trying to wrap my head around what this world has become. Why is it necessary to threaten innocent children - or anyone for that matter.

So disgusted.

http://www.abc6.com/story/26729143/breaking-threatening-letter-targets-students-in-3-ri-communities

Happy Autumn!

Okay, Autumn is beautiful. I'll admit it. But I love summer and I'm bummed that it is officially over.

It took me until yesterday to realize the trees are turning and they do love gorgeous. Here are a few pictures - not from my ride. ;)

Laundry 101 for College Students - Really?

The other day I was trying to make a dent in my magazine pile – which is about 30 issues high. I subscribe to various women magazines and the cooking ones. I always read the cooking ones when they arrive, but put the others in a pile to be read at a later date.

 

Anyway, I was reading an article on Laundry 101 for College Students. I gave pause. Seriously? College students need a lesson in laundry? Have they not been taught to do laundry before leaving for college?

 

My question is who’s been doing their laundry all these years?

 

I taught my children to do their own laundry by the time they were twelve. I want my children to be self-sufficient before they enter adulthood. I don’t want them depending on me for everything. What if one day they woke up and I was gone? Would they wait until someone else came in and did their laundry?

 

One of my children had interest in doing her own clothes at 10 so I taught her. That’s not to say I’d never do their laundry again, because I would. Teaching them early gives them the opportunity to have clean clothes before mom gets to them.

 

When I was working outside my home office I could only do wash on the weekend. If one of my daughters wanted a special shirt cleaned they could do it themselves.

 

Are we seriously enabling our children until college? I can imagine my kids being college age and unable to run a washer or dryer. I’d feel like I failed them as a parent.

 

Anyone else feel this way or am I overreacting?

 

Time for Change

Once upon a time there was a little girl – who was an only child. This little girl loved to delve into the world of books. It didn’t matter where they took her, as long as she could escape her loneliness. This girl also had a vivid imagination. She loved to tell stories to her stuff animals, have tea parties and pretend different scenarios.

As she grew up she continued telling stories, but instead of telling them to dolls or stuffed animals she told her friends. She’d concoct elaborate tales from her dreams. Most of the time she spent with her friends Lori and Aimee. They lived behind her house and their mom allowed them to spend their summer days over there.

They’d pretend they were singers in a band and sing songs from The Cars and Pat Benatar to name a few. Yes, this girl is dating herself, but oh well.

As she grew up and started living in the real world she continued to tell stories, but now they were lies. Too many lies. Eventually she grew out of the lying and started writing. She wrote many novels under a pen name, because a bestselling author and wrote many nonfiction articles for different magazines.

That little girl still loves to tell stories, but real life got in the way again. No more. The girl is all grown up and now she’s putting her lifelong desire into action.

She’s going to finish those unedited novels and other WIPS and publish them under her own name.

Whether or not she becomes a bestselling author under this name is yet to be seen, but in all honesty it doesn’t matter. Just writing and publishing is all that matters to her.

Tina O’Reilly will be coming out of hiding and writing again!

Look out world. J

Never Forget

Dreams

I'm a former smoker. It's been 21 years since I quit. Over the last six months I've been having reoccurring dreams of smoking. I'm either looking for my cigarettes or I'm smoking one. I find it very strange. I have no desire to smoke. In fact the smell drives me crazy. So why do I continue dreaming that I smoke?
It makes me wonder...

Happy Birthday, Teagan

Wedding Day

Today my eldest daughter is getting married. I'm feeling so many emotions. Happiness is definitely one of them.

Dreams

Two weeks ago my grandfather died. He was married to someone he loved for 43 years; she wasn’t my grandmother. My grandmother died 24 years ago. I also lost my uncle 29 years ago. He was an awesome person who I had a close relationship. It devastated me for years.

The other night I dreamt my grandmother and grandfather were getting married and my uncle was part of the wedding party. My mom, aunt and one cousin were in the audience, along with me. It was a beautiful and funny at the same time. My cousin and I were excited and happy my grandmother was back.

My grandmother put on a gray suit jacket when she arrived at the altar. I don’t remember her being a jokester, but in my dream everyone was commenting on how she was still a jokester.  The gray jacket was the same one my uncle wore on his wedding day.

I’m not sure what all of it means, but I do hope all three have found each other again and are a family.

Letting Go

Last week my abusive ex called about something that happened when our daughter was with him. He didn’t want to rock the boat so he didn’t punish her or do anything about said incident. He expected ME to handle it when she returned to me. If it was something small I’d considered it, but it wasn’t. I was pissed that he refused to do anything about it.

A week and a half passed and he called screaming, demanding to know what I’ve done. What I’VE done? Nothing. Sure I spoke to her about the incident and asked WTH she was thinking. But I didn’t punish her.

He was livid. He screamed and screamed and screamed.

I snapped. I went off on him and told him to lose my phone number and never call me again.

That night I dreamt I did the same thing. I told him it was 20 years in the making and I unleashed all my pent up frustrations of him emotionally and physically abusing me.

My parting words in the dream were, “And why don’t you finally come out of the closet.” I’m not sure where that came from, but heck if he is gay he should come out.

Anyway, I woke up the next morning with a sense of relief. It was as if a weight had lifted off my shoulders. And it has. Sure I’ve been free from him for 13 years, but sometimes I find myself falling back into his trap. No More. I refuse to allow him to control me.

Our daughter will be 18 in April I couldn’t wait that long to cut the cord.

Letting go is awesome!

Have you set yourself free from anything lately? How did it make you feel?

Happy Fourth

Be safe

Bipolar, Anxiety and Depression Oh MY....

Dealing with a teenager who suffers from anxiety is not easy. Add depression to the mix and you have a recipe for disaster.

For the last year my daughter has gone from a straight A student to just getting by. The only reason she’s just getting by - because she’s missed over 60 school days. Her grades are there – can you imagine?

Thanks to the school she’s being tutored and will pass the 11^th grade.

For months, no that’s a lie – for the last year I haven’t understood how to deal with her. I’ve taken everything she’s done personally even though my husband has done everything in his power to convince me that it’s not personal.

How else would I feel? She’s defied every rule I have. She’s run away. She’s self-medicated. She’s told me she hates me and can’t wait until she turns 18 so she can move out and never have to speak to me again.

So why am I putting all this information out there? I want other parents to know they’re not alone. Sure I was an open book about being abused, but this was different. This is my teenager. But she’s suffering and turning to outside help.

At times I was in denial. I didn’t want to believe she was self-medicating. I’ll be honest I’m not sure of all the drugs she used, but I’ve heard – Molly and Klonopins to name a few. I know for certain she’s smoked pot. That seemed to be her drug of choice. She claimed it claimed her anxiety. Turns out it does just the opposite.

She’s been out of control with her drug addiction she’s sold all sorts of clothing her father bought her – North Face jackets, Michael Kors bags, Coach Bags, Victoria Secret stuff. She might have even sold my one and only Coach Pocketbook. It was a gift from 2 of my other children. Talk about hitting me where it hurts. Again, can’t take it personally because she was on drugs.

She’s stolen change from our change bucket and sold a laptop of mine. I’ve caught her with my iTouch and shuffle. Luckily they weren’t sold.

It was hard to believe this was my child. I thought for sure if any of my children would’ve been this bad it was my two older ones. Nope this one takes the cake and then some. I’m not sure when I finally woke up and realized I couldn’t live in denial any longer, but the positive is I DID. I took action. I began getting the school involved. I had the truant officer in my house trying to get her out of bed. The principal even came with the officer.

When she stepped out of control I called the police. I swear I know every officer in our city personally. Some were very helpful others kept saying “well she is 17…soon she’ll be 18 and can do what she wants.”

No shit Sherlock. Does that mean don’t try to save her? Should I just give up on her and wait until you show up on my doorstep to tell me she overdosed? I think not. This is my baby, my flesh and blood. I refuse to give up on a child who showed me how to love again. I will fight until I break her or she breaks me.

June Already

Where did May go? I've been so tied up in work and writing that I lost all of May.

There's also dealing with a child who has such high anxiety and panic attacks. I'll be writing more on that later this week or early next.

I'm also trying to get my PMP certification and thinking about going back to college for Forensic Science.

I have a lot on my plate. :)

What is everyone else up to?

Happy Memorial Day

Thanks to the all the brave men and women past and present who fought for our freedom.

Happy Birthday

Today my granddaughter turns 5...hard to believe. Time flies.

Happy Birthday, Tiana

Happy Friday!

I know I’ve been quiet again. Know that I’m thinking of you all. I’m busy taking care of bipolar teen, wedding plans for my eldest daughter and finishing up the second full time job. In between I’m finishing up some writing assignments.

I miss blogging and hearing from my readers and friends. Hoping to be back in the game real soon.

Happy Easter!

The Cheater's Club - excerpt 6 The end of Chapter 1

Jayne made up a bed up for Harlow on the couch. She gave her a big glass of water and some aspirin. Even Jayne wasn’t sure the aspirin would help her from suffering a hangover the next day, but it was worth a shot.

She thought she was going to choke on her beer when Harlow announced she caught Charlie having sex on his desk with his boss. She never thought Charlie would be unfaithful to her friend. She thought they were next super couple, like Bev and Pete. What a wild night discovering that her other best friend wasn’t as happy as she appeared either. Hearing both women’s confessions, gave Jayne a reason to rethink her whole idea of marriage, children and happily ever after. If Bev and Pete were a farce, how did Jayne ever expect to meet her prince charming? Or anyone for that matter.

Jayne might have the dream hours and the great vacations, but her kindergarteners took the life out of her. By the time she got home every night she was too exhausted to go out to the normal places women meet men. She had a boring life by all standards. She went to work, came home, chilled on the couch and fell asleep before nine. On rare occasions when one of the girls needed a shoulder to cry on, Jayne went out. And even sitting in a bar all night long, not one man made his way over to her. Not that a guy would have survived the three musketeers and their male bashing. Still, she wondered if she’d ever find a man or would she become an old spinster.

Exhausted, Jayne climbed into her own bed and wished for peace and happiness for all three of them, because right now it looked like their lives were all screwed up.

 

The Cheater's Club - excerpt 5

Bev walked into the foyer and dropped her purse on the table. Looking up the mass stairs that led to her bedroom she cringed. The thought of going upstairs and sleeping in the same bed with her husband made her sick. She hadn’t told her friends about her true feelings for Pete. They hardly understood why she stayed during his cheating. How could she tell her friends she felt like a failure, like she had no choice but to stay? She had no job skills. While Pete was busy busting his ass to become a doctor, Bev had been home barefoot and pregnant. She put aside her career to raise children. She’d never regret the decision to have children, she only wished she’d gone to college and gotten herself a career. Then maybe she wouldn’t feel so stuck in a loveless marriage.

Instead of climbing the stairs, Bev went into the kitchen and made herself a cup of tea. Harlow’s discovery was like reliving her own horrors all over again. While she hadn’t actually caught Pete in the act, she knew he was cheating just the same. The smell of women’s perfume on his clothing, receipts for dinners at expensive restaurants. Oh, Pete tried explaining the dinners away as business meetings, but she was no fool. Credit card charges for clothing at women’s stores, clothing that never made it to the Landry household. Once she even found a receipt for a well known jewelry store. Instead of saying anything to Pete, she kept her mouth shut and acted like the doting wife. She always had meals on the table when her husband arrived home. The house was spotless, despite having two children. His dry cleaning always hung in his closet waiting for him. Pete had the good life. He had his cake and ate it too.

Deep down she knew she should have told Harlow the minute Pete told her. Christ, if Pete suspected Charlie was cheating, Bev knew he was most likely right. After all it takes one to know one. Nope, instead she foolishly kept the information to herself, well except for telling Jayne. She had to talk to someone. Jayne had agreed that they shouldn’t tell Harlow unless they had solid proof and dinner didn’t seem solid enough. In Charlie’s defense dinner with your boss wasn’t unheard of.

Frustrated, Bev drank the remains of her tea. After rinsing and loading it in the dishwasher, she dragged her heavy feet up the stairs. Prolonging the inevitable, she stopped in Connor’s room. His even breathing let her know he was sound asleep. His soft blond hair fell over his eyes. Bev shed a single tear as she moved the lock of hair out of his face and placed a kiss on his forehead.

“I love you, baby.”

She did the same in Sara’s room.

Stopping off in the bathroom she washed off her make-up, put her face cream on. She wanted to avoid getting wrinkles at an early age. Glancing at her reflection in the mirror she looked tired and defeated. She shouldn’t have bags under her eyes at thirty. Thirty was the new twenty, at least that’s what all the magazines were claiming. So why was it her reflection looked like it aged ten years overnight? She took two aspirins to avoid a headache in the morning. Bev knew it was time to crawl into bed. She’d give her husband the obligatory kiss goodnight and pretend she was the loving wife.

Pete was fast asleep, snoring louder than a train barreling down the tracks. No kiss tonight.

As she slipped out of her clothes and climbed under the covers Bev couldn’t help but wonder what life would be like had she waited to have children – even for just a few years. Would she have discovered Pete’s infidelity and left him? She wasn’t sure. There was only one thing she was sure of right now.

She couldn’t pretend much longer.

The Cheater's Club - excerpt 4

“Oh.” Harlow climbed off the bar stool and hugged Bev. Jayne followed suit and before long they were sharing a group hug, all crying.

“Bartender,” Harlow called, breaking free of the group hug. “Shots for everyone.”

He looked to the girls questioningly.

“Line them up,” Bev said.

“And just leave the bottle. It’s going to be a long night.”

The trio sat outside at the bar until the bartender put a stop to them drowning their sorrows.

“Time to wrap it up ladies. They want to close the restaurant. Finish up your drinks. Do you need me to call you a cab?”

“That might be a good idea,” Jayne said.

 They stood out front waiting for the cab, talking about Pete and Charlie’s infidelity.

“He’s a luser,” Harlow slurred. “I can’t believe I let him, liv-v-v in my house.”

“Yeah, well I haven’t divorced my cheating husband and I’m not sure I ever will.”

The reality of her statement brought a look of disbelief to Harlow.

“Why do you stay?” she asked, steadying herself with the bench.

“Sit down,” Jayne requested. “You’re too drunk to be standing.”

“I’m not drunk. I’m tipsy. I don’t get drunk.” As if to prove a point she tried to walk a straight line, only managing to stumble. Jayne caught her before she fell. “Okay, so maybe I’m a little drunk.” She held up two fingers as if measuring her alcohol level.

“Just a little,” Jayne said, easing her onto the bench. “I think I’ll take you home with me tonight.”

“You’re such a good friend.” When Harlow reached over to kiss her friend on the cheek, she pulled back.

“Let’s save the kisses for when you’re a tad more sober.”

The cab arrived and they piled in. Jayne, being the soberest of the bunch gave the driver directions to Bev’s home. Once they deposited her on her front porch, they instructed him on how to get to Jayne’s.

The Cheater's Club - excerpt 3

“Oh shit? You knew there was a possibility that Charlie could be cheating on me and all you can say is oh shit!” Harlow motioned for the bartender. “A shot of tequila please.”

He poured a shot. Harlow by-passed the lemon and salt, downing the harsh liquid. Biting back the urge to hurl, she requested another one.

On the third request the girls put an end to her sudden binge.

“No more,” Bev instructed the bartender. “You don’t want to be responsible for her if she gets too drunk. It’s not a pretty sight.”

The bartender put his bottle away skipping an argument.

“How could you keep this a secret from me?” Harlow growled, the effects of the tequila were taking over.

“We didn’t want to worry you over nothing. We weren’t sure there was anything to tell. If we had, we would have said something sooner.”

“We? As in both of you?” She sat up straight looking from one best friend to the other. “You both knew Charlie might be having an affair with his boss and said nothing? I’m disappointed. More so in you Jayne. I thought you of all people wouldn’t keep things from me.”

“What’s that supposed to mean, Harlow?” Bev looked insulted. “I don’t keep things from you.”

“That’s not what I’m saying. It’s just that you have this perfect life. All married with a family and a mini-van in the driveway. You don’t realize that there are snakes out there; men who can’t be trusted. Your husband is Mister perfect and faithful.”

“I’m not stupid, Harlow. I know better than you think just how unfaithful men can be,” she snapped.

That stopped them all in their tracks.

“Bev?” Harlow asked.

“What? You think I have this perfect life? Well, guess what I don’t. Pete isn’t the perfect father or husband. He’s had his share of flings with interns and nurses. I’m not blind to it. So don’t look at me all high and mighty because I didn’t tell you. Maybe I was just trying to save you from some unnecessary heartache. Besides, just because they were having dinner didn’t mean they were getting down and dirty.”

“Bev, why haven’t you said anything about Pete’s affairs?” Harlow patted her friend’s hand. “You know you can tell us anything. The three musketeers. We’re here for each other, no matter what the problem.”

“Because I didn’t want to look like a loser in your eyes. Everyone looked up to mine and Pete’s relationship. We have it all. Marriage, two point five children and a mini-van in the driveway as you pointed out. We weren’t supposed to have issues. We were too perfect for that.”

The Cheater's Club - excerpt 2

Jayne was a kindergarten school teacher. She taught both of Bev’s children their first years.

Harlow laughed. She envied her other best friend. She was happily married to the man of her dreams. A doctor. They married right out of high school. While Pete went to college Bev became pregnant. She always wanted to be a mother, so when she announced she was having a baby, Jayne and Harlow weren't surprised. She stayed at home with their two wonderful children. They even had a yellow Labrador to boot. She was the perfect wife and mother.

Jayne on the other hand remained notoriously single.

Harlow hadn’t been single until about two hours ago. She might as well have been the way her sex life had been going. For the last few months Charlie hadn’t been able to perform. At first she thought it was from the stress of his job. He was a high-power attorney, who spent many long nights reading over briefs and old cases. Sometimes he didn’t come to bed before one or two in the morning. Harlow on the other hand crashed by ten. She needed to be up at the crack of dawn to arrive at the television studio, where she was a reporter. She always looked for the who, what, where in everything. So why couldn’t she see what was happening in her own backyard?

“You sounded upset,” Bev said. “What’s up?”

“It seems Charlie didn’t have a performance issue after all. It was me.”

“Oh sweetie. It wasn’t you,” Bev cradled Harlow in her arms and cooed her.

Always the mother hen.

“It isn’t? Then why can he perform just fine for his boss?”

Bev pulled back out of her embrace. “So, he is having an affair with his boss.”

“What does that mean? Did you know about the affair?” Harlow felt like she’d been slapped across the face – again.

“Pete saw them out a few weeks ago. He said they looked pretty cozy. When he stopped to say hello, Charlie seemed nervous, like he was caught doing something wrong.”

It was Harlow’s turn to sit there stunned, her mouth hanging open. She couldn’t believe what she was hearing. Bev’s husband saw Charlie out with his boss a few weeks ago, looking cozy and this was the first time she was hearing it? What the fudge?

“And you’re just telling me this now? You might have saved me a bit of embarrassment had I known a little earlier.”

“Why? What happened?”

“Harlow walked in on them doing the nasty on Charlie’s desk,” Jayne spoke up.

“Oh shit.”

Happy

The wedding plans are coming along nicely and I’m almost done paying my portion of the event. That means I’ll be free to get rid of the second job. Once that job is gone I’ll have more time for writing again. I’ll be able to do what I love the most. Sure I’m still writing. Not as much as I want to be…but at least the words are flowing.

Spring has arrived on the calendar, but if you walk outside here in Rhode Island it tells a different tale. The temps are mid-30s. Not spring weather in my mind. Oh and then there’s snow in the forecast for today. Snow!

We’re only expecting 1-3 inches and I’m sure it’ll melt over the weekend. Seriously though, I’m so sick of this weather. I want warm temps.

Other than that I’m happy with the way things are moving along. Things can only get better from here.

WIP - The Cheater's Club A Contemporary Romance

“That low-down-dirty-rotten-cheating-son-of-a…”

“Whoa, Harlow. Slow down a moment. Take a deep breath and tell me who you’re talking about,” Jess said.

“Charlie, that’s who.” She swigged the ice cold beer and slammed the bottle on the bar.

“Charlie? As in the can’t perform, Charlie?” Harlow watched her blue eyes lit up like a Fourth of July firework display. 

“The one and only. Only he really can perform. It just depends on the participant.”

“I’m confused. Did the doctor prescribe him the little blue pill to cure his issue?”

Harlow nearly choked on her beer at the thought.

“No, it seems the only issue there is or was, was me. I went to his office to surprise him. I dressed in a sexy pink lace bra and panties, covered only by my long black coat. Oh, stop looking at me like that. I know its cliché, but what was I supposed to do? It’s been months since we’ve had sex. I was desperate.”

“So what happened?” She leaned on the edge of the bar stool, waiting for the grand finale of the story.

“I walked into his office to find his boss spread out on his desk. Charlie was pounding away at her. He wasn’t having any troubles performing.”

“What did he say?”

“Ha! What could he say? He was too busy to notice I’d walked in.”

“Oh. My. God! So did you just leave?’

“Are you serious? Me, walk away, while my boyfriend is bopping his boss on his desk? Nah. I walked right up to them and cleared my throat. When the two finally realized they weren’t alone, they stopped. It was more like Charlie froze. I think he might have had performance issues after that. His boss tried covering herself, but there wasn’t anything close by for her to grab. She demanded I get out of the building immediately.”

“Did you leave?”

“Yup. I wished them both luck and walked casually out the door.”

“You didn’t scream, yell or cry?”

“Nope.” And she hadn’t. She thought for sure once she left his office building the tears would flow like a raging river. Only they didn’t. The only thing Harlow felt since catching Charlie cheating was anger, bitterness and relief. She felt like she wasted her time with someone who just wasn’t worth it, but she was happy to realize she was free.

“I can’t believe it.” Jess blew out a low whistle. “Have you told Bev?”

Harlow shook her head. “I couldn’t get a hold of her, but I left her a message so maybe she’ll show up.

Jess turned away from Harlow. The look on her face didn’t look surprised anymore it looked – nervous.

“Jess. Is there something I should know?” They’d been friends for over twenty years. They went to grade school together. Harlow could tell when something was bothering her best friend. That and the fact that she was attempting to peel the label off the bottle, that didn’t exist.

“No. It’s just that…”

“Spill it, now!”

“There you are,” Bev gasped, plopping into the seat next to Harlow. “I’ve been scanning the inside bar for the last fifteen minutes. I even staked out the ladies room, but couldn’t find you guys anywhere. What’s the emergency?”

With the warm summer night, Harlow had chosen the bar on the deck. Not only for the magnificent view of the boats bobbing in the water or lighthouse in the distance, no she thought it only fitting given her current situation. The irony wasn’t lost as she watched the waves crashing against the shore, and then pulling back out to sea. She felt her relationship was just like the ocean, smashing against the rocks, shattering into a million pieces.

“Did we interrupt something?” Harlow asked. Bev’s short whippy red hair was more disheveled than usual.

“Nothing I didn’t need rescuing from,” she said, catching her breath. “I was knee-deep in a history project on Egyptian pyramids for Rachel’s school. I’m telling ya, if I have to see another piece of Styrofoam or a glue gun I’m gonna scream. No offense, Jess.”

“None taken,” she said, raising her beer bottle in salute.

Road Trip and Giving Up What We Love Temporarily

I’m ready for a road trip. At this time of the year hubby and I normally travel up to New Hampshire/Maine. We stay on the NH side of the border, but spent time at the outlets in Maine. We love the quaint Main Street of Portsmouth. We love visiting the little shops, cozy restaurants and the friendly atmosphere.

And then there are the outlets. Everyone needs a healthy dose of retail therapy. I’ve been working 2 jobs because my eldest is getting married this summer. On top of two full time jobs I continue my writing career. I’m not taking on as much work as I could because of the jobs, but after April 30^th that will change. I’ll leave one job and return to a heavier schedule on writing.

I miss writing as much as I used to, it’s one of those things in my blood. But having the money for the wedding takes priority. Family comes first.

It’s amazing how we as parents put others needs first before our own. For me it’s just a natural instinct.

Have you given up something you love or placed it on the backburner for your family? If so how did you feel?

I ask because I’m proposing an article to a magazine.

Thanks in advance.

WIP or Work in Progress

Today I'm sharing one of my WIP's. The tentative title is: Written in the Stars  Hope you enjoy it.

     “Sign on the dotted line and we’ll have a deal.”  Haley gazed upon Luke’s rugged finger as he pointed to the bottom line of the contract.  It seemed he couldn’t wait until she signed the lease.  He appeared standoffish, almost put out by her presence.  Didn’t he want to rent the space to her?  Haley wondered for the hundredth time since seeing the place.  Every time she came within feet of him he moved across the room as if she had the plague or something.  Haley Richards had never experienced such behavior from a man in all of her twenty-eight years.  Well, maybe that’s not totally true.  There was the time when she had kissed David Black in the sixth grade.  He had been a shy boy. Haley had fallen hard for David, even with his braces she couldn’t resist the urge to make him her boyfriend, but David wanted no part.  She tried on numerous occasions to convince him that they were meant to be, but he flat out refused.  Being the head strong person Haley Richards was she refused to take no for an answer.  So one day after the bus had dropped them off on the corner she had called David over in front of a group of friends.  Reluctantly, David had walked up to Haley.  She planted a kiss dead on his lips.  The kiss was magical to her.  Love had been in the air that day.  They would be a couple and grow up and get married.  Certain he had felt the magic too, Haley proclaimed her love for David.  Only Haley miscalculated the magic.  David ran off screaming and crying for his house.  After that day David steered clear of Haley.  He stopped taking the bus.  He had his mother pick him up from school every day.  He’d run the opposite direction in the hallway if he saw her coming.  David Black had rejected and broken her that day.  One thing was certain, he hadn’t deterred her men altogether.  David was a learning lesson every kid learns.  It wasn’t until her ex Tim that Haley had sworn off men once and for all.  She had to admit if it weren’t for Tim none of this would be happening.  Strange as it was, in a way she had Tim to thank for her future.

     Haley’s eyes trailed up the length of Luke’s arm.  She looked into his blue eyes.  Lost like a boat in the ocean, she wondered what made a man like Luke run from someone like her.  She hadn’t come on to him.  Yes, he was drop dead gorgeous which made it all the more reason for her to stay away from him.  

     Luke cleared his throat, steering her mind back to the matter at hand.

     “This is really happening, isn’t it?  I’m really finalizing this?”  Excitement filled her voice.  After months of searching for the perfect space, she finally found this one. Haley searched many cities, and looked at numerous dumps.  The flats she saw were either too small for the high prices, too dumpy, or in a bad area.

     Luke’s building was perfect.  It was in a safe neighborhood and the price was reasonable.  The four room flat would make a fabulous place to run her magazine.  After years of dreaming about owning her own magazine, she was about to make that dream reality.  In only a few moments a new life would begin.  Her dreams were coming true.

     Her heart pounded as she reached for the pen.  Was this possible?  Hadn’t Tim knocked her idea? Told her she’d never accomplish something so grand.  Said she’d be nothing without him.  Yes, he had.  But Haley was ready to prove him and anyone else who didn’t believe in her wrong.  After years of being a senior writer on the staff of Skyze Unlimited she was ready to take on new role;  editor and publisher.  Her deadlines would be more demanding now, but she’d be running the show and calling the shots.  She was

ready for the challenge.  Haley would make the decisions as to what did and didn’t grace the pages of her magazine.  This was her baby.  There was no man by her side helping her climb this ladder.  She was doing this all alone.  Haley Richards was an independent women.  She didn’t need or want a man in her life.  She was going to prove to the world just how successful and independent she was.

     Adrenaline pumping rapidly, Haley looked down at the paper Luke held under her nose.  They’d been sitting at the small card table, the only furniture in the room, for the last half hour going over every detail, until Luke stood up and walked behind her.  He bent over, leaning very close to her back.  She felt his hot breath on her neck.  The hairs stood on end, aware of his closeness.  Again, thoughts of his lips on her body filled her mind.  Desire stirred inside her.  She had to sign and get him out of this room immediately.

     “Are you ready?”  His voice barely a whisper, so seductive, she wasn’t quite sure what he was implying.  Could Luke possible be hinting innuendoes?

     “Ready for what?”  She asked nervously.  Anticipation filled her as she waited with baited-breath for his reply.

     Luke backed away cursing himself for the thoughts running through his head.  Standing that close breathing in the sweet smell of Jasmine drove him mad.  “To finalize this deal!”  He came across a bit rougher than he’d expected, but he couldn’t help it.  Haley Richards affected him in ways he didn’t like and wouldn’t stand for.

     “Let me have that pen.”  Quickly, she signed her, Haley Richards.

     “Congratulations, our deal’s complete!”  Luke extended his hand.  “As your new landlord let me welcome you to the neighborhood.”  After shaking her hand, he raked his fingers through his wavy black hair, thankful the deal was finally complete.

Living the Dream

Yesterday I sat down to write a guest blog post for my pen name. The subject had to be on writing or the writing life. As I wrote about my journey I noticed a common theme – grief or despair fueled the heights of my career.

While I was being abused by my ex-husband I wrote my most intense stories for the Trues. When I lost my son at 6 days old I went on to write 12 novels.

When life was good I continued to write, but that raw emotion wasn’t present. Sure I still wrote compelling stories, just not as emotional.

Now, I’m not saying that life has to be in turmoil to write. I’m only realizing my writing was the strongest during these times. So, now I have to find a way to capture those heights, but not live in the lows.

The bottom line I never gave up. No matter how tough life got, I pushed forward.

I’ve decided to create my persona again. I’ll be taking on a new pen name. This time I’m going to open old wounds and write from the heart. My books are going to be on tough subjects, but true ones. In the end I live by six words:

Never give up on your dreams

I wear many different writers’ hats. I write non-fiction, fiction, newsletters, long, short, it didn’t matter. The writing bug lives inside me and not matter what any naysayers have to say, I will charge forward.

Happy Valentine's Day

The Moment

“It’s all about the moment.” Jamie Anderson's comment after winning the gold in slopestyle at the Sochi Olympics on Sunday.

What more can you say?

The Old Way

Back in the day before email became the standard form of submitting, writer’s had to send queries and stories via snail mail. Most editors required a SASE or self-addressed stamped envelope. There was another option that I took full advantage of – the self-addressed postcard. These were normally hand written and sent along with the query or story. The majority were completed works.

The postcards had two options:

____Yes, we received your submission and it’s under consideration.

____Your submission doesn’t currently meet our needs.           

Easy!

Of course this isn’t as easy as sending an email. The waiting could be painful. Now with email you can get a response the same day - though most likely not.

I’d forgotten about this method until I was reading an article about Copywriting and the author suggested using this method for cold calling.

Sure I’m dating myself with this information, but I’m sure you remember an old way of submitting? Anything you liked or miss? Feel free to share your thoughts.

CVS says NO!

CVS has decided to forgo profits and stop selling cigarettes in their Rhode Island stores. I think this is a smart move; given their a health store on most levels. They could lose billions of dollars in profits. It’s a big statement.

I’m a former smoker, so I know that if I want my cigarettes I’m going to go wherever I can get them. Quitting isn’t easy…I know. But I did it. I haven’t smoked in 21 years and I’m thrilled to be clean.

I’m proud of CVS for standing up and making a bold decision. I wonder if the other pharmacy’s like Walgreens will do the same? Most likely not. Or will this move outside of Rhode Island?

I’ll be watching to see how this plays out.

What are your thoughts?

Writer's Block?

In 2010 I belonged to the book a month club. What’s that you ask? It’s where I wrote a 25k book every month and submitted them to my former editor. Let’s just say 2010 was good and bad. I was fully engulfed in grief after the loss of our son. I poured my grief into my books. Needless to say I was very productive.

As 2011 came along I started feeling a little better. My grief was there but I didn’t need an outlet for it. I had learned to deal with it. Then I became pregnant with our daughter. I wrote what I could because I knew time would be scarce once she arrived.

I continued to write, but now I was produced three books averaging about 30k. Then one day I sat to write and I couldn’t. The words just wouldn’t flow. I had published almost 20 books in a few short years. I tried and tried to no avail.

Instead of trying to force it I gave up. I thought I’d never write again. For so long I’d been able to write a book, edit, and submit, turn around and start a new one. Wash, Rinse, Repeat.

During that time I read. I lived life. I forgot about writing. Then I sat down and wrote three more novellas. I thought I was back in my stride. Nope. Again the words weren’t coming. I was pushing myself too hard to be everything – mom, wife, writer, and full-time employee. I realized I was burnt out.

Something paid the price and it was my writing. Now I can see the signs. When I don’t want to sit and write because it feels more like a job than fun – it’s time to step back and smell the roses.

Now I take a break to read, get a massage or just live. It may take a few days or week, but I know I’ll return to writing. It’s in my blood.

Sad Story of Abuse

A few weeks ago a 24 year old was beaten so badly by her boyfriend she was near death and in a coma. She died the other day. They share a little boy. This poor child lost a mother and father. This horrible abuse is senseless.

http://www.turnto10.com/story/24370466/woonsocket-woman-and-assault-victim-dies

My ex was abusive. He did some awful things to me. One night when I went out with his sister in law and her friend for a birthday celebration I came home and he was pissed. To this day I couldn’t tell you why he was so angry with me, but what he did with his anger was the dangerous part.

When I arrived home the door was locked. He locked the skeleton key lock so I couldn’t get in the house. I suspect he did this so I was forced to wake him up when I got home. Which I did. So here I am at the top of the stairs of our second floor apartment. I’ll admit I was a bit tipsy. We drank a few lemon drops that night.

He opened the door and he beat me right there. I remember being curled up in a fetal position while he pummeled my head and face. He didn’t hit me anywhere else. If he did I don’t recall.

When I say beat me, I mean my eyes looked like a raccoon. My ears were BLACK. Black.

At one point he stopped and when he did I ran. I flew down the stairs and out the front door. It was the middle of the night, but I ran. There were two cities that sepearted my house and my mother’s. I made my way to her house and knocked on her door at 5am.

My son was there and I crawled into bed with him and slept. When I woke up the next morning and looked in the mirror I cried and cried.

The sad thing is I went back. No one told me not to. No one called the police. I really wish someone had taken a picture of my face. I really regret that.

As I watched the story of the young girl on the news I saw myself. I cried again.

I’ve decided I need to do something. These young women need a voice. They need to tell them there is live away from these evil abusive men. They can make a life for themselves. They need someone to help them.

I want to be that someone. I want to save lives. I want to make a difference. I’m not sure how, but I’m going to find a way. Whether as a speaker or volunteer, it doesn’t matter. I NEED to speak to them. I need them to hear my stories. I want to show them how I escaped and how I made a new life for my kids and myself.

No child should suffer because of a man’s need to put his hands on a woman.