Saturday, July 26, 2014

Wedding Day

Today my eldest daughter is getting married. I'm feeling so many emotions. Happiness is definitely one of them.

Thursday, July 10, 2014


Two weeks ago my grandfather died. He was married to someone he loved for 43 years; she wasn’t my grandmother. My grandmother died 24 years ago. I also lost my uncle 29 years ago. He was an awesome person who I had a close relationship. It devastated me for years.

The other night I dreamt my grandmother and grandfather were getting married and my uncle was part of the wedding party. My mom, aunt and one cousin were in the audience, along with me. It was a beautiful and funny at the same time. My cousin and I were excited and happy my grandmother was back.

My grandmother put on a gray suit jacket when she arrived at the altar. I don’t remember her being a jokester, but in my dream everyone was commenting on how she was still a jokester.  The gray jacket was the same one my uncle wore on his wedding day.

I’m not sure what all of it means, but I do hope all three have found each other again and are a family.

Monday, July 7, 2014

Letting Go

Last week my abusive ex called about something that happened when our daughter was with him. He didn’t want to rock the boat so he didn’t punish her or do anything about said incident. He expected ME to handle it when she returned to me. If it was something small I’d considered it, but it wasn’t. I was pissed that he refused to do anything about it.

A week and a half passed and he called screaming, demanding to know what I’ve done. What I’VE done? Nothing. Sure I spoke to her about the incident and asked WTH she was thinking. But I didn’t punish her.

He was livid. He screamed and screamed and screamed.

I snapped. I went off on him and told him to lose my phone number and never call me again.

That night I dreamt I did the same thing. I told him it was 20 years in the making and I unleashed all my pent up frustrations of him emotionally and physically abusing me.

My parting words in the dream were, “And why don’t you finally come out of the closet.” I’m not sure where that came from, but heck if he is gay he should come out.

Anyway, I woke up the next morning with a sense of relief. It was as if a weight had lifted off my shoulders. And it has. Sure I’ve been free from him for 13 years, but sometimes I find myself falling back into his trap. No More. I refuse to allow him to control me.

Our daughter will be 18 in April I couldn’t wait that long to cut the cord.

Letting go is awesome!

Have you set yourself free from anything lately? How did it make you feel?