October is Domestic Violence Awareness Month

Last night I had a dream – a very frightening dream. It dredged up old memories of a life I wish I could forget. You see I lived in an abusive marriage for almost fifteen years. My ex-husband didn’t think twice about smacking me in the face, making me huddle in a corner fearing for my life or belittling me to make me feel terrible about myself.

The dream last night I was in the mall with my mom, daughter and a few others. I was riding the escalator when my ex came down the other side and grabbed me by the throat. Through clenched teeth he told me, I’d never get away.

Ten years ago I’d shake from a scene like that. It wasn’t an uncommon scenario for him. He often told me I’d never make it out alive if considered leaving him.

I managed to get away from him on the escalator and tried dialing 911 on my cell phone. Every time I pushed a button is was the wrong one. No matter how much I tried I couldn’t dial 9-1-1. How scary, right?

A security guard showed up and I begged her to call the Providence police. She said she would. I explained to her that he drove three hours to “get” me.

I’m not sure what happened after that, because I don’t remember any more of the dream.

Here’s the thing. He hasn’t haunted my dreams in at least six years. I don’t fear him now. I learned how to stand up to him and realized he’s a coward who can only take advantage of helpless people – women and children. While he never laid a hand on our kids he did verbally abuse them.

There can be a light at the end of the tunnel for those in an abusive relationship. This month I’m dedicating my blog to showcasing the terror I lived through and survived. I’m now in a happy and healthy relationship. If I can help one woman escape it would make me a very happy woman.

If you’re in an abusive relationship and want to talk please do not hesitate to email me at: tinamoreilly@gmail.com. I will listen to anyone.