Friday, October 12, 2012

My MIL is Abusive Too!

My former mother in law didn’t like me when we first met. I wasn’t good enough for her son. It’s laughable now as I look back and think – HE wasn’t good enough for me. She grew to love me and told me after we divorced I was the best thing that happened to him. Whatever.

When she learned her son was abusing me, she would often tell me, he doesn’t mean it. He doesn’t know better. He’s a good man. One time when I had a black eye and threatened to call the police she begged me not too. I looked at her and asked her if it were her granddaughter, (who was her world) with the black eye would she want me to protect her abuser.

She ignored me and went on to tell me why I couldn’t have her son arrested. She told me no man would ever want me. I was overweight and a mother of three. “Who is going to want you?” Those were her words.

The sad thing about those words was I believed her. It was during a time when blended families weren’t the norm. Her son had told me how fat, ugly and useless I was for so long that it’s how I looked at myself.  

There are two things I should point out – my ex and mother in-law are Korean. They have a different outlook on relationships then I do. They believe the woman should serve her man. I’ve told my children that men and women can do each other’s jobs and that they should not wait on a man or woman hand and foot – unless they want to and it’s being appreciated. The other is she was abused.

She never left him and after almost 50 years they’re still together. Me on the other hand, I find the world outside my marriage is a much nicer place.

Monday I’ll tell you about the time I turned the tables on him…and threatened him with a knive.

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